8 years back then on the end of December

To be reminiscent something un-sweet is so tormenting. That is what I feel now. It seems those are still vividly tangible playing around in my head intermittently. It is quite not easy just to eradicate what I have been thru because that disaster stick around and suck my blood. That day has scarred me a lot so badly. Honestly to say, I literally detest reminding of this. I just don’t want to make another wound in my heart due to that calamity. But today as the same day of 8 years back then, where the day of our lives, our patience, our futures, even our beloved ones have been taking away. I don’t know whom to blame. God? My self? Or this world?

Later, I knew they called “Tsunami”. For some people the calamity is unnecessary to be retold, but for me that was as if the disaster recently happened like playing over and over again in my head. It was upsetting really profound sometimes. I witnessed of my lost. The water came down wildly to the land and ate up everything I have, and I could not even have a chance to say goodbye for what I belong to.

The insincere condolence I could say to myself when that day turned out to be the last day I must have released my family swimming away in the powerful water replete with some debris. Lost unexpectedly of what you have could not have been easier to accept. Who could guarantee our lives as sweet as we thought; who could guarantee we have a beautiful live-forever, and who could guarantee your beloved ones remain with you all days long. Who could guarantee our live would not leave the scar in our hearts. No one could!!! Life is so fragile, that is what I know.

Flashback of 8 years ago when hope and future were pointless, I could not even see the sun shining every morning. I just have a bleak and dark life everlasting. How could I live without parents besides me? I just didn’t get enough affectionate from them. I just did not have a chance to pay back what they had been doing and giving for me yet. I just did not even caress their hands or forehead yet. However, as I woke up ever since that day, I realized that my life would never be the same. I was recluse and stuck in on-going world. What could I say, I was already died before the time.

Sometimes my minds could not really accept what I have been thru, but I could not do anything more in the transient world but pray and always keep effort. I started thinking that day again today even seems so throbbing. That day was on 27 December 2004. The day after the big tremor of earthquake and tsunami, I went back to my house to make sure everything was going well. I could not contact my brother and his wife, because we were separated that time. The rest of my family was safe but my brother and his wife. As I walked down to the street, I saw a hundred of swollen-dead bodies. I attempted to see one of them but I could not even recognize them at all. They were swollen due to drinking  of the tsunami water mixing with the chemicals and muds.

I saw my house in unshaped any longer. Everything is a massive mess. Dead bodies everywhere, mud, debris, hopeless,and futureless were a small depiction of that day. As approaching my house, my knees were immobilized. I was like in the hell where everything looked so bad. I called my brother and his wife. Nobody replied. I saw people had been around to find their family who had been sank in the mud. A thousand of cadaver was encircled me. I was like in the slaughterhouses; I was like in the massacres fields where bodies lying down , and it seemed the bodies trying to say we needed to be buried. I was extremely crazy, and my mind could even think what was going on.

I could not even continue the story because it was hurt really badly to remind. I could not picture that any more. As long as I can live in this world, this disaster still look so real playing over and over in my head.

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