Mother

When I miss out her every single day, I actually cannot do
anything else instead of reminiscing about everything that we have been
through together. When eventually I knew she has gone everlastingly, I realized that
how wonderful she is for me, how a fabulous wife and mother she is,
and how a great time we spent collectively as she was still
alive. She definitely has disappeared physically from me, she has gone on my eyes, but
always exists in my heart forever. She is the one who really
understand me so much, and always attempting to provide the
best all she has in order to make me happy. It seems now as if I
have lost an invaluable thing in my life. It was not too much  I guess if I
want to hug her and see her smile, but…

I love you, Mom I really
love you, I do

Be honest, when she was still alive, I didn’t really
understand her affection and love for me. Her love was completely a
requited love, the real love everyone could not give it. When she
has gone, I do know that I really lost a huge treasure in my life.
I lost a source of love and hope. I just did not want to remember
that day when my tear could have not stopped not to drop off. How
could I hold on my tears when my treasure was about to go forever and
never come back again? I just do not want to remind that day that becoming a
a saddest life I have ever had for the entire my life. My mind has been thinking that
day all the time, thinking about how strong she was when passing
all struggles she has been trough. It was Monday at 11.12 pm, 2006 when my sincerity has been tested by losing the most gorgeous person ever.

My mom has suffered an intestine cancer for nearly 10 years the doctor said, but we noticed that 2
months before she passed away. It was a hard time not only for me
but also for my entire family member. I could not imagine how she
has been passing through a hard time about 2 months in hospital by
doing 2 huge surgeries to take off the partial cancer which had
spread out to entire her body. Fortunately, I might have had a
chance to take care of her about 2 weeks before she passed away. My
hearts was not stopping crying when I remembered all her body
covered by infuses and any other stuff. She definitely could not go
anywhere, ended up in the bed powerless and even for food she could
not chew in at all because her internal organs could not process
everything she has eaten. How could I do not weep out when the
person who gave a birth for me laid down weak, hopeless, fragile,
and sincere and waiting for the soul has got back to god. It is so
crazy and too excessive if I want her back in my life. If the god
could revive her, if the god could retrieve my mom, if and if
everything is possible, but all is absurd for human being to live
after death. Mom, I do really love you, regretting so much
when I could not do anything worthwhile when you were still
alive.

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10 thoughts on “Mother

  1. Membacanya membuat saya ingin menangis…. Hiks…
    Kita baru menyadari bahwa kita sangat sayang kepada seseorang dan menyadari dia sangat berharga, ketika dia sudah tidak ada…

    Sekarang mah kirim selalu do’a untuk ibunya mas. Semoga mendapatkan terbaik disana. Aminnnnnnnnn…..

  2. salah satu nasyid favorite dhe, “mother” by Sami Yusuf..

    You were the sun that brightened my day
    Now who’s going to wipe my tears away
    If only I knew what I know today
    In my heart, in my dreams
    You are always with me mother

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